“THIS IS A TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU MUST LEARN TO LET GO…”
Those are the first words I read last night out of my ‘Jesus Calling’ devotional book; and it hit me…and hit me hard.
Ever since we lost our baby boy six weeks ago I have been holding on tight. Holding on tight to so much…my emotions, my wants and desires to get pregnant again, and to get pregnant right away. It seems like I’ve been constantly praying that God would provide answers through chromosome testing and through blood work. Praying that God would allow us to get pregnant again soon. And every time I prayed I could feel myself holding on so tightly to what I want so much.
But last night when I read that first sentence it was like God had spoken audibly to me saying, “Can you loosen your grip? Can you just let go and let me?” I would never say that I am a control freak. Personally, I would much rather someone else make the decisions for me. Someone just tell me what to do, and when to do it…and I’m fine. But for some reason I am having a hard time letting go of this…something that I want so badly.
Funny thing is, when I let go, I’m letting go to the God of the universe…the Creator, the Sustainer, my Heavenly Father. He is the One who knows best and has the best path for me to walk down. Why would I want to choose my way over His? But yet, I so often do.
So, today my hands are open. I am saying, “God do what you will, what you want in my life because I trust you.” I will still continue to pray that God will bless our family with another child, but I will choose daily to hold loosely.
” Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I TRUST HIM.”